PavCo Multimedia Synergistics Weblog

April 30, 2008

Ice Cream News

Filed under: Politics — CPav @ 7:36 pm
Tags: ,

We here at PavCo Multimedia Synergistics are pleased to announce the acquisition of the Polar Bare ice cream shops, in which all of the counter girls scoop your cones wearing bikinis. In the interest of gender equality, we tried having the male employees dress in speedos, but the chilling effect somehow wasn’t the same.


To celebrate our acquisition, all of our locations will be waiving the St. Louis County Special Ice Cream Excise (SPICE) tax. This quarter-cent sales tax would end up saving the average family of consumers approximately $3 over the course of the summer, but our advertising won’t mention that. We’ll only tell you that we’re offering you relief on the high cost of ice cream during the hot summer months, when consumption is up. We also won’t mention that we don’t have the power to actually not charge you the tax. And since the tax doesn’t actually go into our profits, but into the St. Louis County Deserts and Confections Fund, we’re also not going to mention that that fund will be short a good percentage of its annual budget, which covers not only ice cream, but pies and cakes as well. And if anyone brings it up, we’ll just remind you that we’re doing it for you.

Our second-nearest competitors, the Fully Clothed Ice Cream Company, is going to also waive the SPICE tax (which they also don’t have the power to do), but they’re going to make up the funds to the Confections Fund by taxing the ice cream companies (which they also don’t have the power to do, and which the people who do have the power to do have shown an unwillingness in the past to do). After all, it’s more important that you have that $3 in your pocket than that we have cake and ice cream, isn’t it? At least Fully Clothed and Polar Bare agree that it’s all about you.

Our nearest competitor, Dressed for the Weather Frozen Custard, isn’t about you, though. They’re hung up on the fact that FCICC and PB can’t actually arbitrarily deliver what we’ve promised, and that our actions will provide only token relief to your pocketbooks, while a high probability exists that, in the long run, our actions will drive up the price of ice cream. Dressed actually tried this on a smaller scale a number of years ago, and saw that it doesn’t work too well. But, while our advertising (and that of Fully Clothed) has consistently made the point that Dressed is lacking in meaningful experience, we’re just going to totally discount his actual in this case. Because this is all about YOU.

And by you, we mean getting you to vote for us for Most Popular Ice Cream Parlor. But of course, we won’t say that. We’ll just shorten it and say it’s about you.

Because it’s certainly not about a $28 savings on gasoline over the course of the summer.

The 330 Project: 14/74


1 Comment »

  1. […] Gas Tax Pandering Filed under: Politics — CPav @ 5:50 pm Tags: clinton, gas tax, mccain, obama, Politics A few follow-up comments to my ice cream gas tax story a few days back: […]

    Pingback by Gas Tax Pandering « PavCo Multimedia Synergistics Weblog — May 4, 2008 @ 5:50 pm | Reply

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